Raising The King of Questions

In a group of very curious children at the Inside Outside School, I've been told mine has won the award for asking the most questions. I am proud of him for that achievement. I have been asked for my comments pertaining to raising a curious child. I am humbled by my King of Questions, but here is some insight into things that might have fanned his flame of curiosity a bit.  Down a rabbit hole of what my husband would lovingly call “very derivative” researching, I became curious about curiosity. A very basic tenet in that area of research is that curiosity follows an upside-down U-shaped curve along the axes of knowledge and intensity of curiosity. When examined, that tenet fits very well with what we know intuitively. If you know nothing or very little about something, you are not that curious about it. It is simply unknown or very, very foreign to you. There seems to be no reason why you should pursue more knowledge about it. However, if you know a little bit more, it becomes a bit more familiar, and you start to think, “This is something that I need to know about,” (your curiosity intensity increases).  It follows along in this way until you start to think of yourself as a complete expert and then, things get boring. There’s just nothing left to learn about that subject (your curiosity intensity starts along the down-slope, decreasing).

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Keeping this model in our head of how curiosity waxes and wanes, here are things that I think are useful for increasing your child’s natural curiosity.

• Expose children to big subjects and skills without watering them down

Our son has very rarely played with toys. I feel that most toys water down the true skills we are trying to get him to build. It is important to give a child something easy to do so they can feel some mastery. This builds confidence. However, it is equally important to let them know there is a world of mastery beyond what they are currently achieving. This builds curiosity. Curiosity is fueled by the desire to achieve greater heights in their knowledge and their skills. Give them an avenue for that increase.

Suggestions for big subjects and skills: cooking, building with wood or electronics, fixing, foraging, creative writing

• Don't be afraid to say “I don’t know,” and then, research the answer together.

Never make up answers. Never leave the impression that your answer is complete or certain if it is just a guess. These things will give your child a sense of false mastery.

In fact, you might want to take this a step further by pointing them to other avenues to continue their investigation.  In the end, showing your child that you don’t know the answer will give them the confidence to keep looking.

Occasionally, you get tired of the questions. That is ok and natural. Do not let this tempt you into telling your child false answers or non-answers (like “because I said so” or “just because”). Instead, the truth is best. Children understand a need to relax and rest. Give them tools to research on their own as early as you can in their life so that they can continue down their road of learning even when you need a rest.

Do not be afraid to let children research independently at a very early age. Show them Google, YouTube, Wikipedia, etc. These websites even have voice search for children who are too young to read. Do keep an eye on what they are being exposed to, and set filters accordingly. But also do give them boundless fuel for their burning curiosity. Go to the library regularly and explore it all. Let them pull down stacks of cookbooks or computer books from the adult section if they wish.

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• Form your own opinions about what they are old enough to do

We see appropriate ages plastered to all sorts of things. Instead of letting someone who does not know your child dictate what they are old enough to experience, decide for yourself.  Eight year-olds on MasterChef Junior demonstrate knife skills that culinary college students would admire.  I am not encouraging recklessness, but do not falsely limit your child. If they are responsible enough to respect the danger and skill level inherent in doing something, then recognize that. Also, your assistance goes a long way in mitigating the danger posed by an activity.

• Experiment…Experiment  constantly

Don’t be afraid to get it wrong. Don’t be afraid to get messy. If your child sees something and would like to try it, let them if they are able. Prepare together, fail together, and try again together. We’ve eaten many not so great dishes at our house, participated in programs that have floundered, and things have even caught on fire! It’s ok. It’s a learning experience, and sometimes it’s even hilarious!

• To the extent that it is possible, let them decide what they would like to learn. Also, allow them to quit.

A child’s interest cannot be forced, just like our own cannot. There are probably a few subjects that even though you know enough to whet your appetite, you just cannot motivate yourself to feel further interest in. This is natural. Your child is the same way. Do not force them to pursue those things anyway.

• Don’t be bound by recipes and instruction books

Allow your child to make activities more interesting for himself. Allow endless questions while reading a book. Realize the questions are at least as important as the story. If you wonder how a recipe would taste with a certain spice, tweak it. If a game is frustrating using the rules, make up house rules. When you take a walk, disregard your planned destination at will.  Wandering is more interesting.

• Worthwhile waiting

Times that from all outward appearances could be boring are some of the most golden times for curiosity and learning. Remember that even the smallest of things around you can be of great interest if you look at it from a new perspective (under a microscope for example).

Here are some examples of filling up these times with creativity and learning.

In a car ride, read to children or play open ended games. One game we love to play is “What am I thinking about?” We tried 20 questions, but that was one game we ended up changing! Instead, we are allowed to ask as many yes/no questions of the thinker as we want.

On a long walk, take a bag or two with you to pick up all sorts of things. Take lots of pictures to identify plants or structures later. Use a data connection if you have it to research on the spot. Learn some foraging skills to add an extra dimension to nature lore.

When waiting at a doctor’s office or in a line, every magazine rack can become a game similar to “Where’s Waldo?” A notebook in your purse can be a canvas for your child. If they are too young to draw much on their own, let them dictate what you draw (it turns silly quick!), or give them a background to turn their scribbles into embellishment (my favorite was a cupcake sketch, then it gets decorated).

• Listen. Then, when you think you’ve got it – ask “What else?”

We were lucky with our son. Because he had a severe speech impairment, we learned to listen more closely. We had to. We learned to question because we had to. He learned to express himself in all kinds of ways because he had to in order to be understood.

We were lucky because we were forced to give him what every child needs.
If you want your child to keep asking questions, make sure you listen to those questions. Make sure you understand. Make sure you explore every facet of what they really mean.

• Never forget, they are people first and children second.

When you look at your child as only a child, you limit her. Remember every child has a limitless potential to grow and very often reach above your expectations. You can help.

Thank you, Susannah Martin for writing this beautiful recipe for a curious child!